Moments in Time

So it's been a while... a really long while since I've blogged. But after dad died then 6 weeks later my grandmother, I felt like I was lucky to have my head above water. And then there were times when, well, I was drowning and I was just trying to get up for a breath of air here and there. The weekend after dad died, we were supposed to have Davis' birthday party. We just couldn't do it so postponed it a weekend and I managed to smile and make it through it. Cross it off the list of things to do. Then off the real list, the big list, the list of all the first time without dad moments. Our first birthday party without him.

The day mom and I got back from Ohio after grandma died, Davis performed in her second grade play. She was so worried about me not making it back and her smile when I was there was priceless. I really would have driven all day and night to be there for her. No matter what's going on, seeing the kids always makes things seems right.

We celebrated Christmas last year but I was just happy to have it over with. Cross it off the list. Our first big holiday without dad. We did the usual things, we went on the Polar Express, went to Saluda Shoals, made Christmas cookies. It was good to see the kids happy and all the excitement of Christmas but it just wasn't the same. There was just too much heartbreak the weeks leading up to Christmas and I would have rather forgotten the whole thing.

We had a class 6th birthday party for Dylan. He was so excited to invite his Kindergarten friends for his party. He was so cute and shy opening presents in front of everyone. Then one of the girls from his class picked on his birthday hat. His face was priceless.

Then there was Easton's birthday. For me I think this was the hardest first. The realization that our sweet Easton would never know his granddad. The reality that it wasn't all a dream, that this life without a dad and without a papa was here to stay. But Easton didn't know that. He just knew that there was cake, and more importantly to him, icing that was all his. There was joy, happiness, and smiles. It was a very special time seeing this sweet boy and who he was becoming.

One of my Dad's baseball bats

We enjoyed the warmer weather of spring and went to Myrtle Beach for a few days with my mom. This was my mom and dad's place, the week they spent together at the beach. Their special place. It felt almost wrong to go. Like we were intruding on a place where we didn't belong. Mom by no means felt that way but it felt that way to me. In the end, I was so happy we went. We had a great time and were sad to leave.

In May, Davis was a crocodile in her ballet performance and did such a great job. It was a very special day for just her and I was so proud.

We had a crazy busy summer. 3 weeks at the beach and a week at Disney. I felt like we never had a chance to just breath and then it was time to go back to school. Tons of fun memories with the kids. Going to Hilton Head Island in June was hard. We have went for years as a family and it was hard to face the week at the beach without dad, his birthday and my birthday all so close together. Ironically, that was always what was so special before, being together as a family for our birthdays. But like all the other first, it came and went and wasn't easy but we made it through. In a way, it was such a relief to get through that week. We had made it through all the big first and not that it's easy, the anticipation of what it will be like is always worse than actually making it through.

A highlight of our summer was the kids surfing. Well at least the girls surfing and Jamie falling... I mean surfing. Dylan got hit by a board early on so he wasn't into it but he did get up a few times.

Easton was a lot of fun and it was the first time for him to really explore the beach. He has no fear and would just run out into the ocean.

Then all too soon, summer was over and school was beginning. I hate going back to school. I'm sure some of it is also that I have to go back to work but it's also that the kids are another year older, bigger and closer to being big kids. I love watching our kids change and grow but back to school is always a reality check that one day, not too far away, they won't be our little kids anymore. Layla went into 5th grade and it was bitter sweet dropping her off at her classroom, the last time I would get to walk her to class the first day of school. She could have cared less but my little mommy heart broke just a little.

Layla had some friends over for her birthday and had a Transformers theme party. She was so excited to have Bumble Bee for her cake and was very particular adding all the details that were necessary for her cake. Layla has such a kind spirit (with others outside of her siblings lol) and she has the best group of friends who just adore her.

As the 1 year anniversary of dad's death approached, we decided to start a new family fall tradition. We had always went to the pumpkin patch with my parents and the kids at Halloween and that's where we were headed when we got the call that Dad had had his heart attack so it was just too hard to do. We decided to go Apple picking and brought mom along. The kids thought it was great to climb the trees and pick apples. I think it is definitely something we will do each year.

We went to Saluda Shoals for a Halloween evening with Jamie's family and spent Halloween night with my mom Trick or Treating in her neighborhood.

Halloween felt like an accomplishment. We had made it through the year. One of the hardest and saddest years of my life but also a year filled with so much joy and happiness. A year of memories and opportunities. Another year where I was blessed to be a mother, wife, daughter, daughter in law, sister in law and friend. I am always thankful to make it through Halloween. The time between Layla's birthday and Davis' birthday are always so crazy, with all the fall activities, birthdays, fall sports, and school work. But this year making it though Halloween was something more. The reassurance that we had made it a year.

But time doesn't stand still and it was time for Davis' birthday party. She wanted a baby party (take 2) and it was a nightmare trying to find out who she wanted to invite then to get people to actually respond and come. I was very frustrated but at the same time, 2 students at the kids' school were diagnosed with cancer. I was hit with the reality that I should be thankful for each birthday with the kids, thankful for the opportunity to make lists of kids, thankful that we have no reason to believe that there will be many many more birthdays for our kids.

And then before we knew it, it was Christmas again. The season of Magic. I thought for sure this was going to be the year, the year of the Santa questions, but we made it though with 4 believers. It's bitter sweet, knowing that this year was our last year of the magic. The last year with all our kids believing in Santa, the last year where I got to lay with the kids and listen to them talk about the reindeer, hearing Santa on the roof, and the MAGIC that is Christmas Eve. I also know that next year will bring new magic. Layla (and probably Davis) will be our big helpers that can help scheme where the Elves will fly and what they will do next. They will be able to eves drop on what the boys want for Christmas and they will be able to see the Christmas Magic from a different point of view. I also look forward to next year when Easton can understand a little better, talk a little more, and really enjoy Christmas.

Then we were struck with the F word... the worst F word you could hear so close to Christmas..... the Flu! The kids dropped like flies. Luckily Layla and Dylan were only stuffy and didn't feel good for a day or two but poor Easton was so sick. High fever, stuffy nose, labored breathing and all of this 3 days before Christmas. Luckily Davis never got sick but I started crashing on Christmas Eve. I just kept thinking that I had to make it through Santa's arrival then I would be okay. Santa did come and Jamie and I got to bed around 2:00 in the morning and kids were up around 6:00. So with the flu and 4 hours sleep, I got up and enjoyed Christmas morning. We were blessed to have the house full of family this year with mom, my Aunt Karen and Uncle Randy and Uncle Dale here. The kids enjoyed all their loot and apparently were very good girls and boys this year.

Our "Flu Cookies"